Mommy Wars

I unconsciously observe people, without realizing I'm taking in their mannerisms, or the things they say and how they say them.  It isn't until I'm telling my husband about my day or thinking about how a character would behave or respond to something that I become conscious of the little things I caught during my accidental observations. This is how it usually goes.

Every once in a while, though, something a person says grabs me, and I become wholly aware.

A few days ago I overheard a “working” mom who was volunteering for something complain to another working mom, “I can’t believe it’s us working moms who come in to volunteer”.  She then went on and on about all the super important things she does, day in and day out. Her attitude and stance while talking was very off putting.

I dearly wanted to say something to her, but the comment hadn’t been meant for me (even though it was loud) and I thought it would be rude to insert myself into a private (though loud) conversation. Now I wonder, should I have spoken up and asked her if she knows the personal lives of every mother in our vicinity?

Now, to be fair, I’ve also heard stay at home moms say of moms who work outside of the home, “I’m sure they drop the ball somewhere”, and this also makes me sad/mad. 

I don’t understand why people think it’s okay to make assumptions about other people’s lives: no one has any idea what another person’s life is like, day after day, hour after hour, unless they are specifically told every single detail.  These assumptions show a lack of respect for other people’s choices. These are real people with real lives, not a character you're reading about or creating.

So here’s the thing I want to say to people who judge without having a clue: belittling others to make yourself look more capable, intelligent, sacrificing, and heroic makes you sound inept, ignorant, selfish, and just plain mean. There’s a reason the term “mommy wars” was coined: the assumptions people on both sides make are negative and conflict-inducing, and nobody wins. And I'm getting off my soapbox now. Anybody want a turn on it :-)?

Kids Say the Darnest Things

I'm over at Crimson Romance today, writing about how kids say the damndest things...even in the middle of my new romance :-). http://www.crimsonromance.com/featured/kids-say-the-darndest-things-in-real-life-and-in-romance-novels/

It’s the Story, Stupid

Lately, I’ve come across a few forums where romance readers and writers debate whether children have a place in romance. While I understand and respect personal preferences, I don’t understand the need for an actual debate. To me, it's about the story.  

Do only childless people get to fall in love in romance novels?  I have wonderful friends who are single mothers, and they’re among the strongest women I know.  They’re great heroines and their children are an important part of their journey.

Then again, as a mother of two, I can always tell when a child is used purely as a prop. Seriously, is a child the only way to show a man or woman’s vulnerability or to add comedic relief? And why are children in books always so darn wise? A reader knows when a child is integral to the narrative, and when they’re there as a crutch.   

Each story is a little world unto itself. If children belong in that world, I believe they’ll be welcome by those who choose to read the book.

* Not calling anyone stupid, by the way. With elections right around the corner, I couldn't resist :-).

Charmed, coming on October 1, 2012. Click here to learn more about this sweet romance.

The Science behind a Slow, Sexy, and Satisfying Dance

A slow dance, in itself, is not enough to send your senses into a delicious spiral. A few elements have to come together to make swaying in someone’s arms a sensual and unforgettable experience. Sexual attraction, one of life's great mysteries, is a major part of the equation. After endless studies, many experts agree that it involves a complex mix of visual, vocal, and olfactory cues.

In Strangers in the Night, Jake and Keila first notice each other when Jake is standing in the sidelines and Keila is helping a friend teach a few complicated salsa steps. His eyes stray to her hips and he gazes at their rhythmic swivels and swerves. Keila looks up and meets his intense, brilliantly blue eyes. Their initial spark is purely visual.

When Keila is forced to teach a reluctant Jake to salsa, her pulse picks up the moment she hears his deep baritone. A deep male voice is a sign of genetic fitness. Like it or not, Keila is genetically wired to react to his voice. Moments later, she’s in his arms, and the dance lesson begins.

Exertion makes their skin glisten with fresh, sweet sweat, which releases scented sex hormones known as pheromones. Some scientists have described pheromones as magical. During a particularly slow and sensual salsa number, Jake is lured in by Keila’s scent, and it makes him tug her closer…and closer.  The sense of touch is connected to every other sense, and proximity raises Keila’s responsiveness to new heights. Their attraction is purely physical…so far.

Jake will soon be announcing his candidacy for mayor of Chicago and Keila is waiting to find out if her dream of moving back home to play for a renowned orchestra will come true. They’re both feeling tense. Studies on both sides of the Atlantic have found that dance lowers levels of cortisol; a stress hormone. When people dance, they unwind and relax. Jake is also just learning to salsa. When he loses his footing, he steps forward just as Keila does the same. His hands go down to her waist, her hands wrap around his arms, and their eyes lock.  They laugh, and laughter relaxes muscles, boosts energy, and triggers the release of feel-good chemicals. Shared laughter helps people synchronize their emotions and create bonds.

As these two strangers dance, they forget the world and become lost in the music, their emotions, and each other. They don’t know how different and far apart their lives are, and they don’t care. When the night comes to its inevitable end, they decide to remain strangers. They’re not ready to explore their startling chemistry. But, as time passes, neither can forget their singular night at Chicago’s SummerDance Festival.

Undoubtedly, they’re destined to meet again. This is a romance, after all. And I think most of us would rather explore the intricacies of romance through story than through science. On that note, I’d love to learn a little bit more about your own real-life stories. Has an instant physical attraction ever lead to a long-lasting emotional connection for you?

Interview with Kay Rogal, author of Sweet Revenge

I'm here today with Kay Rogal, author of Sweet Revenge. Kay, thank you for agreeing to chat with me! I’d like to pick your brain a bit to find out how a romantic suspense trilogy comes together.
Inés Saint: Do you plot the entire trilogy before beginning or do you take it book by book?

Kay Rogal: As I begin plotting for one book, my brain starts going off in all different directions on the 'what if' and plots a series. In this series, it's about Donovan's children seeking revenge on their father's white slavery business and what he did to them and the society.

IS: Is this plot something that stays in your mind, changing and adapting as the story develops, or is it something you write it down, point by point?

KR: It stays in my mind to the point...I can't get rid of it until it's finely tuned, every little twist, black moment covered. As I write, get a massage, go hiking, my mind surprises me with new leads.

IS: Do you get emotional while researching and writing about something that wounds people in such a profound ways, and, if so, do you channel it into your writing?

KR: Good question! I'm an advocator by nature and have a soapbox built to travel lol...I guess you could say....and don't let go when human rights are at stake...whether child or adult.

IS: I’ve already learned you’re a very sweet, thoughtful person from our chats, so I’m not surprised!
Okay, it’s now time for a few quick quirky questions:

IS: If you could have one of your characters over for coffee or tea, which character would it be and what is the one question you’d ask them?

KR: Hmmm....that's hard to say...I like getting to know my characters one on one, but there's just something in me that likes to bring a spice to the surface. I'd have to say all the women...there's something about a group of women getting together and what comes from it - intrigue, fun, spice, advice. The questions would come out on their own :-)

IS: I agree. A few margaritas and a fun group of women…it doesn’t get more entertaining than that.
If you could live in any story ever written, which story would you choose and why?

KR: I love all of them and it would be hard to choose a favorite, but if I had to choose, it would be my current work in progress - a legal supernatural where the heroine, along with her eccentric nana, and the other attorney wives, are going to cause all sorts of waves, for the better, of course, (I know you can't see me smiling, but it's a mischievous one).

IS: Eccentric nana and a fun group of women? I love it already!
If you were single, who would you rather kiss: James Bond, Mr.Darcy, Thor, or Lloyd Dobler? And you know I’m going to ask…why?

KR: James Bond - depending on which one it is. There's a style of charisma, finesse seen on the screen...but then, maybe, I should be focusing on the person directing him...forgive me, I have this spicy attitude happening this morning. I am single and think kissing is one of most enjoyable things about a relationship, besides hugging and holding hands. I would have to choose James Bond. He seems to kiss the most compared to the others.

IS: James Bond is my pick, too. And yes, he does seem to have plenty of kissing experience :-).

Kay, thank you so much for visiting with me today. It’s been fun! I wish you much success and best of luck with your trilogy. Sweet Revenge is available at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, iTunes, and wherever ebooks are sold.

Dear Abby, Prudence, and Margo…when did I turn into my mother?

Dear Abby, Prudence, and Margo…

Once, when I was five, I walked in on my mom talking to herself while she was cleaning the kitchen. I asked her who she was talking to and she stared at me a long moment before replying, “Er..little angels.”

I vowed I would never talk to myself…

Flash forward thirty + years: There are times when I think nothing can surprise me anymore, but, every once in a while, I’m proven wrong.  These little surprises can be delightful or annoying. When I don’t have anyone beside me to talk to about it, I write a short, imaginary letter to any one of a few advice columnists, in my head. It’s my little way of acknowledging the little things that make me smile and whining about the things I can’t do anything about.

Smiling inner self:

Dear Abby, Prudence, and Margo…

A mom from karate class took a Kindle out and her little girl said, “Is that the R kindle or the G kindle?” These anecdotes are so darn cute when the amusing child is not your own!”

Annoyed inner self:
Dear Abby, Prudence, and Margo…

Why did the lady in front of me in the supermarket line place her big fat purse on my Doritos Ranch bag and then proceed to crunch them all up by leaning into her purse to search for her checkbook? Does she not realize she’s crunching my Doritos? ‘Cause I can hear them crunching. And why did she glare when I smiled and said, “Excuse me”, in order to pull my bag out from under her bag? And why do I always have to be behind the person paying with a check?

I don’t know when I started this habit…or why, but apparently I’ve started to this out loud while I’m cleaning the kitchen. I didn’t notice I was doing this until I caught my nine year old staring at me while I wiped down my countertops. “Who’s Abby, Margo, and Prudence?” he asked. I stared at him for a moment before answering, without thinking, “Er…little angels I talk to sometimes.”

Is there a specific moment in your memory when you realized you had turned into your mother?